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Jason QuestionMark
User: jqmark
Name: Jason QuestionMark
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Back August 2009
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and only i am escaped to tell thee
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Seattle and portland has been a blast with Zach. He left yesterday to AZ for a couple of weeks. Bought my ticket back to Palm Springs for next tuesday. This weekend a quick jaunt to Canada then 3 + weeks basking in the sun and the warm glow of a new relationship. I was so excited when she told me to come back as soon as I could. I was worried about her changing her mind. man life is fucking good.
carry on then.
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In some ways I can't believe this is happening after the almost 20 years I have know her and wanted this
but I must commit to finding what it is and where it can really go. I know how much I love her already and how much being with her makes me happy and calm. We talked about it last night and how we both feel right about it so lets see what the future holds for you and me.

Leaving Palm Springs tomorrow for Santa Clara and this makes me a little sad. It will be great to spend some more time with Zach and get in to SF for a few days but it feels like I just got here.

Santa Clara until close to the end of the month then Sacramento for a few days. After that Nevada City for a few days to see Val. August 6th me and Zach are road tripping to Portland for a week and taking the train back to San Jose. Then if everything works out I will be coming back to Palm Springs for a while. I must admit I am really enjoying the desert. In the first week of September we are flying to
Bellingham and Seattle for a few days before hoping the ferry to Victoria where I will be at least three weeks and hopefully Jamie will stay for most of that before returning to Palm Springs. October I will probably spend some time hanging out with family in BC before trying to get to Massachusetts to see Sparky for at least a couple of weeks. By that time I will have figured out how to get back to Palm Springs.

But now I must enjoy the hell out of the wonderful pool they have here.
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Things have been awesome staying with JZ in Palm Springs I haven't had this much fun in a long time. We seem to be falling in to a relationship that started almost 20 years ago. we are planning to spend as much time together as we can. She has asked me to come back when she returns from China and then in August we are planning to head up to the Northwest for a week before over to Victoria where she might stay a couple of weeks. Not really sure what will happen after that but she is trying to convince me to join her in Tahiti in Dec for a couple of weeks not that I need any convincing just money for a flight. It has been quite some time since I have been in a relationship and I am slow to get my sea legs but we seem to be able to communicate fairly easily. Certainly I am more excited then scared this feels somehow right like all are history has been building to this. I leave in 3 days and already the dread is seeping in but I know I will be seeing her again soon it's just that I am having such a good time. really these few weeks have spoiled me. Jamie's grandmothers place where she lives is really nice and has a wonderful pool. The beer has never run dry. We have been keeping pretty busy including a couple of days in LA.
We have been up all night the last few nights tattooing well she did most of the tattooing but I helped where I could. The lack of sleep has left me a little out of sorts today but it feels good to be in love again.
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So just when things are going great and I start thinking about a future with her in my life the horrible insecurity comes back. I don't know if it is coming from her or me. Why can't she have a
scrolling LED sign that tells me what she is feeling. Maybe I need to develop some ESP skills.
I knew coming down here things might be different and they are. Why can't I just believe what she tells me. fuck it. I think I should just jump all in our friendship is strong enough to handle anything.

OK time to stop thinking.
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house sat for Jamie and Brenda. Had to water the baby chicks two chickens and take care of their wonderful dog sprocket whom I have know since she was a puppy pissing on my mattress. They even let me use their new subaru something or other. Had a blast. Saturday drove up to Birch Bay to see my brother and took sprocket for a nice walk on the beach. Sunday hung out with my father and step mother. Fortunately they where anxious to get back to their Everett casino tour. Later that day went to an awsome pig roast with some of the best BBQ i have ever tasted.

Getting my license renewed is turning out to be a pain in the ass the montero is waiting to driven while I try to get it registered. Ack I new there was a reason I have avoided car owbership for 13 years.

need to figure out getting down to CA for the beginning of June.
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been hanging out in seattle catching up with everyone. bought a Mitsubishi Montero fixing it up to take on the road. Got in touch with the one that got away and will be heading to palm springs after blazing through the bay ina few weeks. this all of course depends on a lot of things that are outside of my control so St. Christopher
get my back. Sounds like I will be house sitting in Palm Springs for the end of July in to August. Between now and then there is much I wish to see out the window of my new SUV.

really excited to see all the folks at Josh's 40th party in Guernville. then all my SF people. But I can't help but wonder what will happen when I see jamie. She sounds good and strong this might be the first time we are both doing so well at the same time. Just talking to her on the phone for a few minutes brought a gust of wild plans.

Then I need to be in Victoria for three weeks in september to house sit.

I don't have regular internets lately which blows but I have been reading a ton of good books. Lots of bruce chatwin including a really good biography of him. Some paul Theroux. An interesting travelouge of some lady who went to Pitcairn island for several months (think mutiny on the bounty). Want to finsh reading Chatwins
catalouge including his non travel books. also some Osip Emilyevich Mandelstam a russian poet.
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been a while so I thought I would post a little update.
Back in Seattle again for a while. Spent a few awesome weeks in SF. going to head back up to Canada in
few weeks. I think I am going to buy a friends mitsubishi montero so i will have wheels and be able to
get around to see everyone. will be back in SF in early June if I can and will staying in Victoria
for a couple of weeks from Sept 21. I will be house sitting in Victoria with a spare room if anyone wants to
come up for a visit.
Things are going pretty well considering I am living out of a suitcase. Saw filastine from tchkung play last saturday and had a blast seeing everyone. might go down to portland this weekend.
Have been reading a imperial asston of books. the best of are:
Clowngirl (about a sweet fuckup clown in the ghetto)
An Unexpected Light (brtish writers travels in Afghanistan over a couple of decades. quite fact filled)
What am I doing here by Bruce Chatwin (a collection of short pieces about people he met and places he went compiled after his death) I had read songlines ages ago and quite like his writing very educated and opiniated)

Have been thinking alot about traveling maybe to Iran to see some of the great persian sites and experience
the zoroastrian eternal flame. it would be great to go to afghanistan as well but might n it be practical.
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Some of you may now that my normal way of locating a girlfriend is develop a huge crush on a girl and then wait until some night when she might get drunk enough to try making out with me. Usually they are really sweet psychotic girls with designer set of baggage that I carry until they sleep with one of my friends. Or they are girls I have brief intense relationships often drifting through my life every so often. Since most of these have gotten shorter as I have gotten older after the accident I decided to find out if I could be happy alone first before I started seeing anyone again plus I have been pretty miserable the past few years waiting for pain to subside. Well I have decided it might be nice to at least socialize with other human beings and meet new people and to this end I just returned on my first real date in a long time. Meeting people I don't know is still certainly not my strong point because in the past by the time I went out with someone I knew them for some time having stalked them obsessively before often even talking to them. Well OK those charges where dismissed but I least usually would have been smitten with someone for sometime before I asked them out.

I still seem to be more often than not a complete moron when first meeting a girl and due to nerves talk way too much about myself usually about what some might consider embarrassing things. At least until I have drunk enough to squint one eye and start talking like a pirate.

Quite honestly I have come to enjoy being on my own. More often then not my life becomes dominated by my relationships. Not that bothers me except for not spending enough time with my friends but I figured maybe if I could figure somethings out on my own I met get better at the LTR thing.

I suppose had I bothered to put the effort in I wouldn't be writing this until tomorrow morning but honestly I just wanted to feel that new feeling again. Maybe had I felt that charge I might have put more of the oh so smooth jason charm on but I couldn't tell if I felt anything. She was quite nice and attractive not in the way my previous girlfriends have been. Maybe a she was a little more granola than I am normally attracted to. But that can be said for any girl that doesn't squeeze into a latex SM outfit every friday night I guess. We shared alot of the same political and personal beliefs butI noticed she didn't drink much of the wine I brought for our walk in the graveyard (her choice not mine thank you very much)

Being as I never have any idea if any girl likes me I can not say at this point if it will ever get past tonight. It certainly was a pleasant evening of conversation.

I asked a different girl out this Saturday who I think is a bit younger maybe. It seems I have more in common with people younger than myself at least that is what I tell myself.

In any case it is nice to just to be social and meet new people again.

Still in Victoria enjoying hanging out with my mom. been walking everyday and deliberately left my cane in Seattle. Even managed a two hour hike the other day. Went for a walk on the beach today and came across a molting seal. He looked so serene almost like he was grinning from having a great dream or something.
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So I have been waiting for mail from the CA EDD about my unemployment claim for over two weeks now. I haven't claimed unemployment insurance since 99 and it seems it is mostly online now which is good but they where stated after I filed online that I should get something in the mail ten days later. That was the 12th. Of course they say if it doesn't show up to contact them. What they don't tell you is contacting them is pretty much impossible. I must have called over 100 times at various times throughout different days of the week and all I get is the recording telling they are getting too many calls and to call back. So I sent them and email as well and of course I haven't heard anything via email either. So I was hoping that somehow ticketbastard
would get my W2 to me before the legal deadline so I could at least have some money in my pocket.
Well Monday is the deadline and there is still no sign of my W2 or my 1099 which our beleaguered
401k management company was suppose to be there own admission have sent be the 23rd. Because it seems without that I can't file for my return. Oh yeah California is going to delay mailing peoples refund for a couple of months too. Good thing we had that recall to vote in the governator when our budget was so screwed up because he really has a handle on things now....

Anyone have any tips for dealing with the EDD like how to get a hold of them. Someone told me to
they got through using two phone and calling with one just as the other answered but that sounds like smack to me and didn't work anyways.

In victoria with my mom unlike my fathers place I can relax here and feel pretty comfortable. I think I am going to go with my mom to church today. which should be interesting when was the last time you went to church with your mom? Mine was in London many years ago.

I still can't sleep like a normal person and it is kind of starting to bother me. I bought a new journal last night at a dollar store. I have more or less kept a journal since I was 18 or so. Of course I lost them all in the move but I like the process. I enjoy writing.

Have been reading loads. Just about to start "the siege of mecca" and then "jihad Vs. McWorld"
any reccomendations?

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the place I have been trapped for the last week is so quiet that when the dogs stop barking and coyotes stop howling you can hear absolutely nothing. When was the last time you stood out your door and heard nothing.
Also I can follow orion through the sky. I don't know much about astrology but when I was young I use
to follow orion to get home. I know that makes no sense but neither did childhood.
I have to make one more trip to seattle before I head to Victoria for a few weeks. Not yet sure what is
after that. I have been emailing a girl I knew when I was like 12 it is humbling to think of what she has
overcome and even though we have not been in contact for maybe 20 years she does not seem to have changed much
except she is a grandmother and has 3 kids. It scares me a little i so desperately wanted not to be what I would have become had I not left this place. Now I wonder who I would have been had I stayed.
when I was 20 people thought it was cool I had a vasectomy now they look at me weird when I mention it? Is this really a sign of what I have to look forward to. My peer group now telling mne my parents where right and that I should just "grow out of it" what ever it actually is???
As I write this I can hear them talking to their new puppy in some sort of baby language now I love dogs and puppys but it is a fucking dog it doesn't need you to simplify your language. But then again I guess maybe if i grew out of my little phase I would somehow understand.


I got to spend some time with some of my more normal family the other week and while I love them it is hard to relate I guess. Even the fucked up ones the other black sheep seem somehow more normal in their eyes. My cousin who was at one time a budding tattoo artist with big holes in his ears and emotional issues just moved in to his first house yesterday and now builds bridges in far off places making obscene amounts of money.

Did I miss a turn here somewhere? Not that I want that life but honestly I wish I wasn't broke stuck at my parents place without smokes feeling sorry for a little puppy and myself.